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Route 66: 1x15 The Clover Throne 2/3
Caillebott On the Pont de l'Europe

Tod and Buz have decided to take the job at the Darcey date ranch, so they're on their way!

Buz's joy is best expressed with an emoticon: ^o^  He is convinced Sweet Thing is Swiss.

And Tod's look of doubt: -.^  He's not convinced someone with that accent could possibly be Swiss. 

Then Buz says that Darcey can't watch all the bases, and Sweet Thing looks like a base stealer, and when Tod disapproves of his plan to try to score with Darcey's ward, Buz asks, "Does the bear ask the bee if he can steal the honey?"

Tod is appalled.  "Where did you get that?  Some old book of proverbs?"

Buz says he made it up himself!  He looks quite proud of himself.

Tod goes "Ugh."

Buz delights in his own wit.

Tod and Buz have arrived and Darcey is giving them the run-down.  He explains that he fell out of a tree and then couldn't walk any more, but he still runs the date ranch. 

And they shall do what he says!  First thing, he wants Buz to tie the rope that snapped earlier. 

Man, if only every job interview was this easy. 

Yesss, well done, everything is proceeding acccording to plan.  Soon all bells with have ropes tied to them, and then she will be my bride.

Sweet Thing is in a dark cabin with the convict man, who's name is Joe.  They hear the bell and Sweet Thing says "I thought he couldn't reach that high."  All Buz had to do was step up onto the porch, so all Adam would have to do is stand up.  And there are crutches leaning right there, implying he can and does stand up.  Maybe Adam is really really short, like cartoonish-Napoleon short, and we just don't know it yet because he's in the chair. 

No matter!  Sweet Thing and Joe have some business to discuss.  She wants him to help her get away from here and run off to LA, where she'll make her money and be a star!  Joe says that first they have to find the money Darcey buried, and he also reasons that if Darcey could bury the money, he might not be as disabled as he seems.

Kiss kiss time.  Joe just might threaten Darcey for her!  It's romantic!

Back at the job interview, Darcey wants to know which of them is a good "kitchen mechanic".  That's a very manly way of putting it, like the computer geeks who call their PCs "rigs". Tod says that Buz a culinary genius!  Buz says "Thanks."

They notice the holes and Buz asks about them.  Darcey says Sweet Thing's been working hard lately.  Everyone needs a hobby!

"It's her hobby."  Oh, sorry, you wanted to do that joke.

Tod and Buz drive around to the cabin!  Tod says he'll go turn the light on.

They're having sexy play time in the dark, he's not swinging her around to bash her against the wall or anything.  Just friendly tussling!  You know how it is.  They hear Tod and Buz drive up.  Think fast, Joe!

When all you have is your fists, every problem looks like a man with his back turned, just asking to be sucker-punched.

Down he goes.

Buz hears the noise of Tod crashing to the floor.  In Buz's world, that doesn't mean that Tod probably tripped in the dark and that Buz should ask if he's okay, because Buz doesn't do that.  To Buz, it means ninjas. (Or other assailants.)

See, most people would be like, "Ha ha ha - I mean, are you okay?" and then if their friend was okay, they'd laugh some more.  But Buz instantly knows that there's evil afoot.  He never asks Tod if he's all right.  Instead, he sneaks in the door.

It's hard to tell exactly how dark it's meant to be in the cabin.  Maybe he can see well enough and assumes Tod wouldn't trip, I dunno.

Buz moves into the room and nets a boff across the bonce with a chair.

Joe and Sweet Thing escape.  Joe tears his sleeve on the door frame as he runs out.

There's a sudden cut to Tod coming to on the floor.

He finds an earring on the floor.  He's got a gross thumb nail.

Back at the convict camp, Joe, whose last name is Goss, takes off his torn shirt and gives it to this man to be sewn.  The man makes a crack about trees getting wild. 

And then they watch Sweet Thing's lovely shadow in her bedroom window.  Sadly, she closes the drapes.

Adam is awake and staring, but he didn't hear any of that.  It's kind of amusing that so much is going on right around the corner, and he's just like "Grrr."

Cut to Tod and Buz cleaning themselves up after their ambush and beat-down.  The light doesn't seem to be on yet. 

The source of much of their woe:

"Look.  Why don't we get out of here right now?"  Meta-Tod is so sick of shenanigans and chair-bludgeoning.

Buz demands to know why Tod wants to give up.  Because someone knocked him out and threw him on the floor?  Pansy. 

Then Buz does some interesting grammatical things.  "That's the way they do things in Indio.  To make you feel to [sic] home."

"I'm going to sleep."

"I don't think you should do that."  I was concerned about concussion too, but that's not what Tod means.  He means they should clean up!  Tod is fastidious and actually a bit of a ponce.  Buz might be able to sleep surrounded by filth, but Tod can not and will not. 

So they clean up!  Tod throws some things at a box. Two out of three isn't bad.

Sweet Thing comes in to compliment them on their excellent housekeeping instincts.

Again we hear that Sweet Thing was never taught to do house work.  She reiterates that Adam is very jealous and constantly asks her to marry him.  But c'est une poupée qui fait non, non, non, non.  She says she hopes they'll invite her to ride in the Corvette sometime.

"You're invited!"  Buz likes the way she's playing with that broom handle.  There's practically a little thought bubble over his head, like in the Sims.  "XXX", it says.

Tod is not above the influence either.

As she goes, Sweet Thing says she couldn't possibly settle down with Adam and give up her career!  She's an actress.  The boys are amused by this. 

"Don't reach for the candy.  Someone's watching the bowl."
Yes, but it wouldn't be much of a show if they didn't sometimes make bad decisions.

Later on, Tod is being all intellectual and reading a book while Buz is asleep. 

A mysterious pair of feet go up to the Corvette.  Whose feet could they be?  If it's meant to be a mystery, then surely they must be Darcey's. 

Then a mysterious hand opens the car door, and I'd say there's a 99.99% certainty that they're attached to the mysterious feet.

Tod hears the car door pop open. 

Tod sticks his head outside and sees that the door of the Corvette is hanging open.  Pranks were really tame in the 60s!  "Ha ha!  I'll open your car door!  Assuming there are interior lights that activate when a door is ajar, your battery will go flat!  Eventually!"

Tod ducks back inside, and there's a long, empty shot of the exterior while he gets some pants (American) on.  He didn't want to chase down anyone in just his pants (British)!  The audience wouldn't mind. 

Adam is still sitting in the night.  Guarding Sweet Thing jealously against convict or attractive drifter incursions, no doubt. 

Tod's hips don't lie.  He's looking for a thief!  "Somebody stole my car keys."

Were they... in the car?  I mean, that's the first step toward not getting your keys stolen.  Don't leave them in the open car. 

Adam doesn't care.  He says that an officer will be around to do a headcount for the convicts tomorrow and Tod can bring it up with him.

Tod says there's no emergency, since he has a spare set.  I doubt he expected anyone to be sneaking around, but there's a whole camp full of convicts right next door.  Why leave your keys in the car? 

Adam wants to know how much interaction they've had with Sweet Thing.

Tod admits that she came to bring them bedding, and hung around for a few minutes.

Now we hear Adam's side of the story.  He's been looking after her since her parents died, because she never learned to take care of herself.  He was injured, and he's sure most people would feel panicky and trapped. He says he's telling Tod this because Sweet Thing will undoubtedly be telling him lies, so he wants Tod to disregard everything she says.  

He recounts the story of founding his date farm.  "
When I started here, all there was, was desert. Other farmers said I was daft to build a date farm in the desert, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the desert. So I built a second one. That sank into the desert.. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the desert. But the fourth one stayed up! And that's what she's going to get, lad, the strongest date farm in all of Indio."

It was all sweat and blood and tears to make the date ranch successful, and he thinks it's beautiful.  He asks Tod if he saw it in the day!

Tod says "It looks good." He drove past it at about fifty miles per hour, but sure, why not, it probably looked real nice. 

The land had to be conquered bit by bit, you see, and some women must be conquered like that too!  Adam's convinced that Sweet Thing can have a good life here, if she'd get the nonsense out of her head. 

He never sleeps, never changes clothes. 
MST3K Mantra.  If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, and other science facts (la la la!) / just repeat to yourself it's just a show, I should really just relax!

Tod takes his leave, with a "Yeah, good luck with that" sort of look, because he thinks Sweet Thing is a total flake.  But imagine that she's total flake in hot pants, Tod, and you might have to concede the point.

Tod takes a bit out of the engine that keeps the car from starting, and puts it in his pocket, and that's what he should have done with the car keys.  An ounce of prevention and all. 

Buz complains that he can't sleep with the lights on.  Tod is amused that Buz is pretending he was awake the whole time.  He says tomorrow he'll tell Buz about all the things that happened while he was wide awake.

I like how they have a whole bunkhouse to spread out in, but they sleep on the same set of beds.  Maybe it's for protection, in case the natives get restless again.  Useless trivia: In every episode so far featuring bunk beds ("A Lance of Straw", "Man on the Monkey Board", this one) Buz has the top bunk. My brain notes things like that because I make drinking games for everything I watch/play/read.

This section is a little short.  Maybe I should go back and throw in some random shots of Tod in his pants?  To vote, text 'yea' or 'nay' to 555-BVDS.  Standard service fees may apply. 

Next Part: 
The Clover Throne 3/3


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