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Route 66: 1x18 Sleep On Four Pillows (1/3)
Route 66
In which Buz turns tricks to pay the bills and Tod fears they'll be rounded up by the morality police.

We're back in Los Angeles!  That crop duster thing was a false start.

Buz pulls in to a parking lot, checks his watch, and looks at a make-up kit.

Buz was born with it, he doesn't need Maybelline.  Or Giselle, as the case may be.

Buz goes to stow his case in the trunk and a drunk staggers by.

The drunk peers at Buz, as you do, you know.

Buz drops a bottle and looks at the drunk like it's his fault.

The drunk crouches to drunkely slur something about "making 'em smaller and smaller every day".

Drunk Man plods away.  It's funny, but I have to wonder what this or that one-scene-wonder-character's story is.  What has befallen this poor soul, that he's wandering around the streets drunk at this time of the morning?   He probably saw some bad things in the war, things that keep him up at night, or perhaps he lost his only beloved granddaughter in a house fire... We'll never know. He's not a hot chick so Buz doesn't care.

Buz kicks the glass out of the way.  Nobody will know! 

In the background the drunk man is picking up scraps.  The poor man needs more help than the costar of the week, all things considered.

Buz starts to go into the bus station, but a running man crashes into him.  Poor Buz, he's stuck in the Amusing Bit Character Slapstick Prologue. 

Slugged with a purse.  Kapow!  Now Buz himself has become a casualty of the Amusing Slapstick Prologue.  Where will it end?  Where, I ask?  Oh, the humanity! 

Buz apparently has instantly concluded the man is a purse snatcher.  That's what the next scene suggests, anyway!  But I think Buz will run down anyone who punches him in the street, no matter whether he's aware of the situation or not. 

He's getting away!

Buz sprints to the Corvette. 

When Buz has the keys, the Corvette is called the Justice Mobile. 

Patty McCormick runs up and tells him to stop!

She climbs in to tell him to forget the thief.

Buz is a suspicious soul and assumes she's working with the thief.  Look how mad he is.  Grr.

Buz says that they'll go inside to see whose purse and bag the man just snatched. 

A security officer - maybe an actual cop? - joins the fray, and tells the lady good job stopping the culprit. 

Buz is like heywayddaminute.

The woman says "This is my fiance, Harrison Hartley the third!"

Buz gives a long "Bwuh?" look, to let the audience know that he's baffled by this, just in case the audience is dim enough to think that he might actually be Harrison Hartley III and he's just been lying to us this whole time about his name being Buz.  (Ah, but what if?  What if he got this woman in trouble, and fled to New York, adopted the accent, and wove himself a tragic past full of orphan disenfranchisement? He could be The Talented Mr. Hartley.) 

The policeman is still skeptical.

Young Lady insists that no one stole her suitcase, that running man was a porter, and her bag is already safely stowed in the trunk.

Another "Eh?" look.

She says they're late for a reception and drags him off.

Now they're driving.  "So here's the way I figure it..." he recaps what we just heard, just in case there's still any confusion.

She starts crying about her suitcase and how her foray into LA is going.

Buz givers her a handkerchief. 

They pull into UCLA and have a chat in the parking lot.  Buz wants to know her name!

Buz introduces himself and wants to know "where [he and Tod] can take her", that is, where is her home.


Buz says "My buddy, Tod.  He's in there taking a short course in programming electronic digital computers.  It's the latest thing."  Have you seen the newest electronic digital computers at Best Buy?  About now they're also inventing this inter-connected virtual world wide web and I bet that's going to be pretty great. 

Buz says she can think about where she wants them to drop her off.  Jan says "Off a pier in concrete shoes!" and explains her father is a Mafia don, and if she makes a mistake, he'll end up sleeping with the fishes. 

She says that people are following her.  "The Syndicate."  The Mafia syndicate.

Buz says "Come on."  Then he calls her crazy. 

She's adamant about this.

Buz still thinks she's nuts, and since he can't do a thing with her, he goes to find Tod.

Tod's in class! Segmentation is what occurs when a set of program instructions get split up because the machine's memory is too small contain all of the coding at once.  It's like, I know those words, but in that sentence they make little sense.  But I was taught the basics of object-oriented programming in 2007.  Things have changed a bit.

Tod dutifully writes that all down.  He's leaning on what was probably, for the time, a state of the art machine*.   Elbows off the incredibly expensive equipment!  Although in those days things were built like freaking tanks, I guess?  Maybe they're made of

*Actually, thanks to the power of the internet, we know what it is!  It's an
IBM 709 Data Processing System and that huge thing on wheels to the right that we see a bit later is the printer.

Tod's confused by his lesson.  He lets his book fall away, consumed with hopelessness.

Adorable confused face. 

More gaping. 

He escapes.  Buz asks how it went, and Tod says he's glad he took the course, anyway, because at least then he'll know it isn't for him.  His list of dream jobs apparently ran something like Shrimper, Crop Duster, Punch Card Caddy.  Now he's had to cross all those off.  What's left?

Tod asks what's new with Buz. 

Buz says a man hit him with his purse. 

Tod does the "I'm so heteronormative and it's so the early 60s" incredulous "With his purse?" thing.  Come on, this is LA, the land of James Dean, Errol Flynn, and Marlon Brando.  Loosen up, Tod.

Buz explains it wasn't the man's purse, actually, it was Jan's purse, and she's being chased by the Mafia, and his name is Harrison Hartleby the Third.  Tod takes this as one would expect -- long-sufferingly.

Back at the Corvette, the radio is helpfully announcing Mrs. Ansel Emmerson, a state senator, is personally going to supervise the search for the missing girl (Jan).  Her mother, I guess.  Her father is in the Amazon or something, on some sort of business deal.

Tod looks at what the fates dragged in and barks some Italian at her.  ("Signorina, dov'e abitio?") or something close to that. 

She answers.  Then Buz demands to know what a "jug heist" is.  She knows what that is, too, which starts to convince Buz that she might really be the daughter of a don. 

Tod thinks Buz is being credulous and ridiculous.

"What do you want from our lives?" demands Tod.  Poor Tod, he's starting to hate everyone.  Doesn't take much of the "real world" before he starts getting all suspicious and bitter and mean-spirited.*  Life was a lot shinier when you your father had money, wasn't it, Tod?

She wants them to hide her for a few days!  Because she doesn't want anyone to track her down and torture her father's location out of her.

Tod leans in and threatens that the men might already be onto them. 

Jan is not amused.  She says she has a sense about these things! 

Tod pulls out his wallet. 

Then he shoves $20 into her hand.  THey're staying at a men-only junior executives' club, so she can't stay with them.

"Where can we drop you?" 
"Fifth street."
"In LA?  That's skid row."
You know would, Mr. New York and then Louisiana and then Oregon and then Utah or wherever... All right, they've clearly been here for some time, so maybe he has learned where the bad parts of town are.

Off they go.

Fifth Street.  *points at everyone in the frame*  Bum!  You sir, you are a bum!  And you, sir, and you.  Tod said so.  Tod and Buz are superior, because they're not urban bums, you see.  They're mobile bums with a flash car. 

The stench of the down-on-their-luck types is getting on Buz's nerves.  They leave Jan.  I'm not sure why she wanted to be dropped off here.  She's got no purse, does she think she'll have better luck busking here than anywhere else?  Also, she's a young, attractive female.   Sure, her first pick for help was two guys who are sick of getting involved in stupid shenanigans, but surely some chivalrous man with a permanent address would come to her aid?

Wandering by the bums on skid row.

Tod and Buz drive off and feel guilty about it.  Buz says they couldn't have her stay with them, not with "that outdoor bathroom".  Yuck.  And Tod accused Fifth Street of being skid row.

Tod wonders how a nice-looking kid like that goes off the deep end.  Buz says philosophically, "With a kook like that, who knows!"

Jan wanders around skid row.  No one hassles her.  Everyone goes about their business.  Maybe it's worse at night.

Next Part: 
Sleep on Four Pillows, 2/3